On the Valentines Day broadcast of Battle Lines (2.14.09) Steven and Rabbi Glenn discussed the biblical definition of love. A person’s understanding of love is very important. A wrong definition of love wreaks havoc in our lives: divorce, sexual sin, families in chaos, kids growing up in abusive, neglectful homes. We became our discussion with The Top Ten Wrong Ideas About Love.

10. Love is NOT Warm, Tingly Feelings.
9. Love is NOT Three Little Words.
8. Love is NOT Letting Him Hold the Remote. (But it’s close!)
7. Love is NOT Patiently Listening to Every Detail of Every Conversation She Had That Day. (But we're getting warm!)
6. Love is NOT a Dream-Like State of Euphoric Distraction.
5. Love is NOT a State You Fall Into.
4. Love is NOT Affection.
3. Love is NOT a Sexual Attraction.
2. Love is NOT a Romantic Feeling.
1. Love is NOT All About Self.

It’s important to healthy and godly living to know what love is not and, more importantly, to know what love is. And then to live that kind of love (and that’s the hard part). We discussed a biblical definition of love.

1. Love Is All About the Other. Love is not about me – what I want, my happiness. Love is all about the other – what’s good for him or her, what he or she needs.

2. Love Is a Character Trait. Love is not primarily a feeling or emotion. It is a character trait. The Scriptures list love right along side character traits like patience, kindness, and self-control (The Fruits of the Spirit, Gal. 5:22-23). Love involves feelings and emotions, but feelings and emotions depend on the situation, the circumstances, and how much sleep you’ve had! But character is independent of circumstances.

3. Love Is an Act of Obedience to God. “…if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is made complete in him” (I John 2:5). If you have to disobey God in order to please someone, to show them that you love them, then that’s not love. It is never loving to do wrong or neglect doing right. It is always loving to do what’s right. It might be hard, but it’s loving. For instance, speaking the truth to a straying friend… it might not be easy, but it’s loving.

4. Love Is an Act of the Will. "Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth” (I John 3:18). Love is words backed by action. It’s a decision you make on behalf of another, not a feeling you have for them.

5. Love Is a Commitment to Another. Marital commitment: A husband is “united to his wife and the two will become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). Family commitment: Parents are never to abandon their children. Adult children are to care for elderly parents. Spiritual commitment: Brothers and sisters in Christ are to put others before themselves.

6. Love Is Faithfulness to Another. Commitment speaks of that initial decision to unite with someone, a strong promise to them. Faithfulness is about sticking to that commitment. To love someone is to be loyal to them, to be faithful to your commitments.

7. Love Is a Concern for the Good of Another. “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?” (I John 3:17). Love is looking after the needs of the other, over our own needs. “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. …no one ever hated his own body but he feeds and cares for it” (Eph. 5:28-29). And sometimes looking out for the good of another requires speaking hard words and doing hard things.

8. Love Is a Gift Given to the One Loved. Loved is not earned by the other. It is not deserved. It is a gift given by the one who loves. It does not depend on the worthiness of the one loved. “This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us… We love because He first loved us” (I John 4:10,19).

9. Love Is a Self-Giving. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Eph. 5). “Do nothing out of selfish ambition… but in humility consider others better than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3). Love means giving up self for the other. It means sacrificing yourself – your needs, your desires, your happiness, your stuff, your time, maybe even your life – for the other.

10. Love Is Jesus Christ Crucified. "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" ( I John 3:16). We were unlovable, sinners in rebellion against God. But, in love, Jesus Christ was crucified so that we could be forgiven. And this is the model, the very definition, of what our love for each other should be.